The Temptations
by sequestration13
Summary: Ser Cullen has to confront his greatest nemesis. Not Calpernia, Samson, nor Corypheus, and certainly not his Lyrium addiction, but the predations of Evelyn Mariam Rainbow Twilight Sprinkle Sue Trevelyan. A cracky selection of moments during the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition.
1. Chapter 1

**_The Temptations_**

 **Sequestration13**

"O Maker, hear my cry:

Guide me through the blackest nights

Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked

Make me to rest in the warmest places."

\- Transfigurations 12

* * *

Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath could not believe his eyes. Ellen Trevelyan was back in his office yet again.

Lady Trevelyan sat on his desk, eyes lasciviously fluttering in time to the song of the birds that always seemed to follow her around. Despite her insistence on wearing those horridly dull clothes, Cullen could not stop from producing a wan smile.

"Lady Trevelyan," began the Commander.

"Oh my brave Templar, you help me get through every single day and every night," replied the Inquisitor with heady abandon.

"Of course, Inquisitor." Cullen tried desperately to right the ship. Today was just not a good day, as the lyrium still in his system cried out yet again for replenishment. Desperately trying to conceal the whanging headaches returning with a vengeance, Cullen made his way to the desk.

Evelyn Mariam Twilight Rainbow Sprinkle Sue Trevelyan was all too delighted at this course of action.

Whirling off of the desk with a grace that belied her status as a mage, Cullen soon found himself with the Inquisitor in his arms, fingers straining as she languidly stretched towards the fur collar around his neck. The Commander tried his best to avoid rolling his eyes.

"Inquisitor, I really must attend to my duties," came the curt dismissal.

Evelyn was having none of it. "But my Commander, surely you could use a little bit of a break. All work and no play makes for a dull Cully-wully."

What.

"Cully Wully?"

"Yes, my dearest. Sera insisted that I give you an endearing nickname, just like all of those lovers in Varric's serials," Evelyn replied breathlessly.

Sera. It had to be. "What do you mean 'like in Varric's serials'?"

"Even the dear Seeker reads them. _Swords and Shields_. We can be like the Knight-Captain and the Champion."

It was just too much for Cullen. The headaches and the realization, that, that "VARRIC SHIPPED ME WITH HAWKE!"

"It wasn't all bad," purred the Inquisitor. "It gave me some of the most interesting ideas," tongue lolling out at the prospect of an evening of adventures.

Maker, thought Cullen. Corypheus couldn't be defeated soon enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Do you know what timmmmme it is?" cried Inquisitor Trevelyan as the sun peaked out from behind the clouds that graced Skyhold in the death-grip of winter. "TRAINING!" she squealed.

Immediately, the entire battalion of Templars that had been rescued from both Emprise du Lyon and Therinfall scrambled for their horses or sprinted to their barracks to prevent another incident. Cullen sighed. He had received no less than nine complaints from his in the past week about the Inquisitor's "training" sessions that involved more collateral damage than sense. Seeker Penthagahast and Vivienne had been quite adamant in her allowing her to train in Skyhold's courtyard.

Perhaps that was because the Seeker was always conveniently missing when the Inquisitor was in town. Vivienne was having just too much fun.

As Cullen pored over yet more requisitions papers asking for more blankets or cages in the Hinterlands, or for an archeological dig in the Hissing Wastes he felt the familiar crackle of magic. And then a pronounced "whump" and sharp snapping. Was she practicing Spirit Blade?

"No Darling! You really SHOULDN'T be practicing Fade Cloak right here!"

"Vivienne! I'm practicing Spirit Blade AND Fade Cloak. That's quite different," came the cheery reply.

The next thing that Cullen felt was a profound shaking beneath his feet, knocking his lyrium philter and supplies all over the place.

"Do you understand what you're doing at all?" came the haughty Orlesian Acce-

BANG!

The foundations of Cullen's office buckled and collapsed before him, sending the Commander flying and his world went dark. After a rather uncomfortable moment underneath a couple of stones that weighed at least eighty pounds and several new deformities in his armor. He was finally able to wriggle free, all the time cursing the stupidity of . . .

He stopped himself. He was above that. Her status as a mage had nothing to do with her proclivities.

"Oh Maker! I am soooo sorry. I should have known that practicing my Knight Enchanter Training at the foot of your office would result in this."

Of course. All by coincidence.

"So long as you are okay, Inquisitor," he grumbled. The commander coughed and immediately gasped as blood leaked out of his mouth and at his near-ruined armor.

Maker help him. He was taking Lyrium tonight.

"Aren't you going to RAVISH me in your anger?" Inquisitor Evelyn Mariam Rainbow Twilight Sprinkle Sue Trevelyan asked with breathless anticipation.

Scratch that. Double Lyrium rations with his Templar brothers.


End file.
